Well we’ve slowly started to let it leak out to the public that we (I) are (am) expanding. Except for Facebook. It has not made it’s way onto the bowels of social media.
Preface to this post: I am excited that we are having a baby, but I’m just not THERE yet. I’m not crying. I’m not over the moon. I’m just- I’m just existing. Yes, I am carrying a baby. Yes, a lot of changes are coming. But I’ve had friends tell me that they are crying they are so happy with the news ( huh? what? why?).
Or asking all of these questions, or forgetting that there is more to Phil and I than this baby. Like, we are going to the beach this weekend. Can we talk about that? Although, last night at my girlfriends house I made the comment that there is more to us than the baby, but even I couldn’t find anything else to talk about.
I tried out prenatal yoga class, which at first I was nervous about. I mean look at my pictures, I look the exact same. So in my head, I assumed women who were further along thought “who does this bitch think she is? She’s not pregnant.” But as the class went on, it turns out I was totally wrong. After our meditation period we sat in a circle introduced ourselves and how far along we are etc. When it was my turn, I was honest and said, I’m just not there on excitement level. I feel like I’m faking it a lot. And I think it has to do with the fact that this happened on our first try. We didn’t get a few months of it not working (which I am totally grateful for!). One of the women in the class said “It’s okay. I felt guilty too.” I think that’s what i’m feeling. I feel guilty that so many friends have tried so hard to have a baby and it was so easy for us, and here I am not feeling overjoyed. I get moments of being very excited (when I saw the sonogram) but then they pass. I’m definitely not feeling negative about the pregnancy, I’m just feeling, the same. Exactly the same, except I want a beer.
Last Wednesday we sent an email to our friends with the dog picture from the previous post. And before we got into the restaurant, I again COMMUNICATED with Phil my concerns. I remember him being REALLY funny and making me laugh and relaxing me. Telling me that it’s okay, and he will change the topic if anyone starts talking about it too long. So there was a lot of “Yes, we are really excited!” “Yes, unbelievable having a baby, so soon!” “We just got right to business, haha!”
It ended up being a really great time. Other pregnant ladies were there and a newly engaged couple was there (actually, we were there to celebrate the newly engaged couple, not US!).
I’m coming to terms with the fact that this is what everyone wants to talk about. I’m dealing with it on my own, in my own way. I can honestly say discussing my fears with Phil has been remarkable. Granted, I still have pregnancy PMS. For example, this was us making dinner last night:
“How do you not know what chunks are? Just cut them into chunks!”-Me
“How do you want the carrots?-Phil
“WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT CHUNKS? ALL OF THE VEGETABLES JUST NEED TO BE CHOPPED UP!!-Me
It does help that we talk. He makes me laugh. We laugh so much about everything and all in all, I feel the next six months will be a breeze with him. Especially when he does super sweet things like bring me Ice Cream Sandwiches for my cravings.
How Far Along: 10 weeks and 3 days.
Size of Baby: Prune or a Kumquat or a Lime
Total Weight Gain: Zero, in fact I weighed myself at the gym and I lost a pound? Which does not make any sense when I think of the amount of sweets I’ve been eating.
Symptoms: Tired. Although that is going away. Peeing (like 4 times in a night). and Burping (Excuse me!)
Eats: I still can’t figure out if it’s pregnancy cravings or just random, I want nacho’s cravings. This week it’s been deserts. Although, I want a granny smith apple desperately.
Best moment of the week: The conversation with Phil pre-restaurant. It just solidified that he is my support system.
What I’m looking forward to: August 13th. That’s the next baby appointment, and I’ll be out of the first trimester.
Milestones: The baby has fingernails. And hair.