28 weeks; 12 weeks left. Whaaaaat?

Happy third trimester!

I can’t believe we are already here! Apparently neither can anyone around us. We’ve been pretty boring the past couple of weeks. Last week was my birthday, and it was truly the most uneventful birthday in the history of birthdays. The highlight? I put clean sheets on the bed. Whoo–hoo! Talk about a party.

Phil has switched to night shifts, so I’ve got 11 weeks of a bed to myself. Which, in the beginning is what I was thankful for, but now that I see him for a grand total of 48 hours a week–I’d rather have to share a bed. We’ve heard back from a lot of schools. It looks like he’ll be gone every weekend in January. So, I’ve basically recruited all my girlfriends in Richmond to be on labor and delivery duty in case BBT decides to come early.

This week I’m driving to see my Pennsylvania family for Thanksgiving. Phil has to work (so he’ll enjoy a nice cafeteria meal of soggy turkey, and subpar potatoes).

As far as BBT goes, we haven’t done much. I’ve started seriously freaking out that no one will buy things off our registry because it’s all boring. So I bought some crib sheets today. Because. Who’s going to buy us crib sheets? My MIL did put it into perspective that sometimes you can get really neat gifts that you didn’t even think about–which I’m trying to be good and look at things from that angle.

I’ve started interviewing Doulas. MCV does have a free Doula program, which I was definitely interested in–because, free. duh. But I interviewed two of the girls, and they turned out to be 3rd year nursing students, interested in the delivery, but they aren’t going to be labor and delivery nurses, oh, and they have as much experience in a delivery room as I do. So while I was really into helping out and giving back to MCV, this program turns out to be more like a club. Like the doula club? I know this isn’t what I want. But I do know that to become a trained Doula, you have to participate in 6 births (for free), so I’ve started that search. I have a meeting with a recommended doula in training next week. Fingers crossed!!

Our next interview obligation is pediatricians. I’ve found one. I just need to “get in” with him.

We got our Christmas pictures taken this weekend from my friend who has a budding photography business. Check out her work here. I’ll give you a sneak peek (BONUS: It includes my belly).

View More: http://taragibsonphotography.pass.us/taylor-family
Courtesy of Tara Gibson Photography.

How Far Along: 28 weeks. 83 days left until Baby.
Size of Baby: Size of an eggplant. About 2.25 lbs (good golly!) and 15 inches long. But let’s face it, it’s probably 18 inches long because Phil and I are tall people. It’s squirming all the time and I can make out hands and feet now. Sometimes I want to grab a foot and be like HEY BABY I GOT YOUR FOOT.
Total Weight Gain:  I’m 156 lbs. My max is 170. So 14lbs to go. I’m actually really proud of staying within the normal weight gain range. I know how easy it can be to just let go. I did stop running and being active since the 8k last week. But I deserved a break (right? right.).
Symptoms: Hor-mon-al. I would LIKE to control this, but I don’t think that’s possible. Even when I’m yelling at Phil, I can hear the words coming out of my mouth and I know that I sound crazy, but I can’t stop, and then I can’t be wrong, and then I just blame pregnancy. I think it’s frustrating for everyone in the house. Mostly the dogs.
Eats: Meh. I really haven’t had any cravings anymore. I’ve been on a big pineapple kick. Fruit has been a constant appearance in my diet, more so than normal. So fruit, and chocolate. There ya go.
Best moment of the week: Getting our pictures taken. And another surprise that I hope I can write about soon if it turns out to be true!! (it has nothing to do with the baby’s sex, sorry).
What I’m looking forward to: Seeing my family on Weds!
Milestones: The baby is actually gaining baby fat now. It’s getting super chunky. Which is good because no one wants a skinny baby. The eyes are opening now, which–what can a baby see in there? Darkness? Also, if BBWZL decides to come RIGHT NOW..it has a 95% chance of survival. But let’s keep our fingers crossed for Feb 16th. Everything is prepared for that day. Not November.

 

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Daycare

I’m sure every working mom struggles with this: Do I go back to work, or do I become a stay at home mom?

To be honest, as much as a stay at home mom job sounds “great”, I don’t think it’s for me (granted this baby hasn’t been born yet, so I actually don’t know–come April I may be singing a different tune). For us, in our current situation, I have to go back to work. Even with setting a budget and making the minimum payments on credit cards, car loans, etc, we would be in the poorest of the poor houses if I quit my job and stayed at home. For probably the ONLY time in my life, I am the bread winner in the family.

So then what are our options? There’s daycare (like an actual daycare or an at home daycare), a private nanny,  and Nanny Shares. Or if you are really lucky, there’s grandparents. There are pros and cons to each.

1. Daycare Center: These are GREAT once the baby is no longer just a blob. Once the baby is interacting daycare centers are awesome for learning sign language skills, reading, interacting, and having a small teacher to child ratio. I visited one last month and really fell in love. The staff was so courteous and helpful, they knew all the kids in the center, not just the ones from their class. The children in each group were so diverse, and WELL BEHAVED. I mean, it truly was an amazing experience. Except for the price tag, $1200 a month. For an infant. Who will just sit there, and spit up. The daycare center I looked at, in my opinion, was top notch, but compared to the other “Top Daycare” centers, it was priced on the low end. For example, the day care center for MCV, is a little under $700–every two weeks. So. For a blob, this just isn’t the best option for us.

2) A Private Nanny. This is someone who stays with your child in your home while you are away. This is their full time job, to watch your child. On one hand it’s constant personal attention. You obviously have to trust this person, and I mean, if we had the money, I’d honestly look into it. But, I did basic math and even paying a nanny $10 for 40 hours a week is $400, so we are back up to $1200. And a) that’s too little for someone’s full time job, and b) that’s too much for childcare (for our budgets right now).

3) Nanny Sharing: This is where you and someone else share a nanny. It’s a little cheaper, and again, its a little more one on one time with your baby. You can swap homes, you can do whatever. Honestly, I didn’t look to much into this because even though we have 4 friends due right around the same time as us, I’m impatient and wanted to get this finalized. So. It could be ideal. If this interest you here are some links to learn more about nanny co-sharing:

What did we settle on? We settled on an in home day-care, which is sort of a mix between a daycare center and a nanny share. As I mentioned in a previous post, the woman we chose came highly recommended from my co-worker. Because of that, she was basically a shoe in. When Baby Wheeze is born, there will only 3 other kids there. They will be around the age of one, so he/she will be the youngest, but that’s okay. It’ll be able to get use to other kids, and maybe pick up things quicker because of older kids? Maybe? Wishful thinking? Anyway, the woman -Mary–is fantastic. I mean, she’s just a darling. And she fits well within our budget (not really, but she is 3/4 the cost of the $1200 daycare I was looking at, and she’s less than a mile from my work, so she fits).

Anyway–the main reason I wanted to write this post was because, how do you know what you are looking for besides what’s the cost, and what are pick up and drop off times–when you’ve never had a kid and never had to interview a Nanny? There are a thousand lists out there, but when you are like me, and you kind of have already made up your mind, here’s a good list of questions to ask the future nanny/daycare/sitter of your child:

1) How long have you been in business?
2) How many children do you enroll at one time?
3) Do you have space for my child?
4) Do I pay when my child is ill or we’re on vacation? (this is important especially for Nanny’s or in home sitters–our payment to them is their income)
5) How and when do you bill us?
6) What supplies do I need to bring for my child?
7) Do you encourage visits from parents? (i.e. can I come at lunch to breastfeed?)
8) Do you take children on walks through the neighborhood?
9) Will you follow the schedule I have set in place for my child?
10) What is your sick-child policy?

Obviously, there are more questions that can (and should!) be asked: I found most of these from this list.

Either way, it is a difficult decision to make, and definitely not one that should be made lightly. I honestly feel so grateful to have found our Nanny through a recommendation because my biggest fear was turning to Craigslist (which, would just be creepy I think).

How did you make your daycare decision? What did you ultimately choose?

I witnessed a miracle today.

“You can do this. You will do this. You’ve done it before. It will only be 55 minutes. You are stronger than you think you are.”

I wrote that statement on Thursday. I did not think today would happen. But it did.

I ran an 8k. I know that some of y’all might be like “groan, another mention of running”. But–you have to understand, I never ran a mile in my life (a full non stop mile) until 2008. And then I ran a 10k. And then for  4 years I would off and on run, not really pushing myself. Last summer I started running for fun, and then I got engaged and I started running for a wedding, and then I started running because I was pregnant. Except, with pregnancy I wasn’t really running. I was running a mile and complaining and all of that stuff.

So I signed up for the 8k. Because I was determined to do this. And I mostly (always) feel like a quitter. I always feel like I have these great ideas, and I never follow through on them. And I know I’m stubborn, but I want to be stubborn on something that’s worth while, not just an argument or something like  “I’m not finding out the sex of my baby”.

So let me set the stage. We leave the house at 6:35 am, it’s misting outside. It’s a cold 50 degrees. I’ve been training for six weeks. I’m nervous. I’m already negotiating with myself when it will be okay to start walking, because how in the world am I going to run 5 miles. That’s ludacris. I lace up my shoes and tell Phil I’m scared. I don’t think I can do this. He tells me I’ve been running every other day for six weeks, there’s no reason I can’t do this. I roll my eyes. He doesn’t know how easy it is for me to quit.

We pick up Arielle. It’s pouring. Not just pouring, but monsooning. The air is so cold that the exposed skin is prickly. You can see your breathe. And you have to JUMP every five feet because of a puddle, except opps you slip once and now your sock is completely soaked. I wanted to call Phil, I wanted to turn around and just call it day, but I knew I couldn’t. Arielle is not so subtly hitting that we can run the 8k ourselves later that day, we don’t need to be there. It would be so much nicer later when it wasn’t wet. I keep ignoring her. I tell her I want to go out on a bang. I paid $40 to run this race. I’m not just turning around because of a little rain, besides I was already out there, the weather report said it was going to stop soon, so it would have to, right? And just as we turn the corner, we saw the runners start. We were the last people to cross the start line…but we started.

And just like that you get into the motion of running. The smooth weaving in between walkers and slower runners, finding your pace, getting into the groove and just going. Waiting to see that first mile mark because it’s such a treat (except WHERE IS IT?). At one point Arielle left me, which was fine. I am running a 12 min mile. I didn’t expect her to run with me. I’m five songs into my playlist, I’m amazed at what a great playlist I put together. Britney, Ke$ha, Temper Trap, all the necessities to a smooth ride, but seriously, where the EFF is that one mile marker? I can’t be running this slow.

Then out on the horizon, I see the yellow sign. I’ve ran 2 miles! (and there are port-a-potties, so I can make a pit stop, thank god). I’ve lost Arielle. But I just ran 2 miles. I’m so close to the half way point. And then I just kept going. A smile spreads across my face and my breathing is steady. On the other hand, my ankles hurt, I’m contracting, there is an annoying girl who is walking and every time I pass her starts running for five seconds only to walk again until I pass her. She becomes my pace runner, even though we aren’t on the same pace, she’s just the person I keep my eyes on. I will beat you. I start bargaining with myself.

“You can walk when you get to three miles.”

I hit three miles. It’s downhill.

“You can walk once you get to the big hill.”

I see the big hill.

“You only need to run .5 miles then you’re at the hill.”

Then I hit the hill. It’s not that hard, and out of nowhere, Ruff Ryders Anthem comes on. You CANNOT walk when DMX is telling you to “put em down, set em up, open up shop”–it’s a law or something (I’m sure of it). It’s just not possible. So, at the top of the hill, I’ve hit 4 miles. 4 MILES. I am almost done. I can’t believe I did this. I only have a little under a mile to go. That stupid walk/run girl is still dragging me down, but I’m not the last person in the race, and I haven’t stopped to walk once. And then I have this thought:

“I want to be someone’s inspiration.”

I want someone to think of me and be inspired. Inspired because I just spent the past 45 minutes telling myself I couldn’t do something and I’ve continued to perservere. I had so many people question me running in this race because “of my condition”. And, I just started running five years ago and holy crap, I’m 6.5 months pregnant and look at me go.

So then another rap song comes on, and I can’t stop running. You can’t just walk to rap music. Plus that whole inspiration thing is happening. And then, then , I’m turning the corner, and it’s a downhill slope and I know the finish line is there. My ankles feel like they are going to snap any second. These Braxton Hicks are pulsating. It’s taking everything to not just stop and walk. There is pain, and ache, and I just want to stop…

And then Pat Benatar “We Belong” is roaring in my years. For those of you who were at our wedding, this is the song that Phil and I were introduced to. I also see the mile 26 sign for the marathoners, and I know just past that it’s only .2 miles to the finish. I can’t be more than .5 miles away. And without even realizing it, I’m crying, not sobbing, but crying and trying not to cry, but then trying to just let myself cry. So I’m crying and running and crying and not crying and ohmygod I did this. I can see the finish line. I can see Phil waiting for me. I can see it all ending and ending on a success.

I crossed the finish line. I got my medal. But the medal I got from the HCA 8k is not even close to the true medal I earned.

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My ankles may be near their breaking point, my nipples are more chapped than I can ever imagine because my clothes are soaking wet, at some points I think my butt is hanging out because my pants are so wet and sticky I can’t even feel them. Each step is like sloshing into another puddle. I need to pee. My lips are chapped. But I’ve never been happier. Because I did something I never thought I would do.

I became my own inspiration.

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Sewing for the non-sewer.

This should be my weekly pregnancy update, but nothing’s changed so I thought I’d talk about this fantastic curtain I made two weeks ago.

We have this window in our house, it is smack dab in the middle of the hallway, and lets a gorgeous amount of sunlight into the house. Which would be fantastic, if it wasn’t directly in front of my bedroom door and when I try to “sleep in” on a weekend, it’s impossible because the light streams right on my face. We’ve lived in this house for three+ years now, and all that we’ve ever used is this lovely sheer curtain. (Also, I tried really hard to get decent pictures of this window, but because the sun is right there, it was not happening).

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Also, our windows measure 28 inches across. You would think that would be no big deal. A window is a window. Wrong. All the home good type stores, only sell curtains for new houses. Almost nowhere sells decent curtains for little half windows like that one, and there is not a single blind manufacturer that makes blinds in 28 inches across. 27 or 29, sure. But no 28. The joy of having a 1920’s house. I soon realized that the only way this window was getting covered is if I learned how to sew.

ha. ha. ha. ha. ha. ha. (excuse me while I breath) ha. ha. ha. ha. ha.

So of course I turned to Pinterest. I wanted the look of Roman shades, but wasn’t quite sure how to do it. My friend Jessica hand stitched her own, which I thought–I could totally do this, and then she showed me the video and within three seconds I had a panic attack and decided that wasn’t happening. I started looking for no sew roman shades, unfortunately they all required blinds. Welp, that wasn’t going to work either. I was feeling helpless. This window was going to be the death of me. How shall I ever fix it. Until, I found this post by The Cerniks. I officially had hope!

All I needed was Fabric (done), three tension rods (had em!), and some fabric glue.

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So step one. Iron your fabric. And then put your fabric glue on the fabric and take a picture of it.

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You want to cut your fabric about an 1 inch to 1.5 inches longer on the sides to leave room for the “hem” (I’ll be honest, Because I was going for really straight lines, I ended up making mine too big, so I had to go back a few times and cut it, you don’t want to do this. Measure twice, cut once). Fold over that extra fabric and glue it. The bottle says let it dry for 24 hours, and I’m impatient so I waited three. It was dry.

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And then I hung them, but I didn’t take pictures of hanging them because I was alone. So I will try to explain what you see.

(Note, if you follow the original blog that I copied from, she just looped the fabric together, I ended up breaking out the sewing machine and sewing a 1 inch open loop at the top to fit through the curtain rod)

So the first tension rod is at the top, with the fabric looped through to hold it in place. The second curtain rod is about 6 inches down and I just draped the curtain over the rod, and same with the third rod. This is not a real working roman shade, and if I ever need to cover the whole window, I can just let the fabric hang. But I think it looks much better than the sheer fabric that was there!

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I’m happy to answer any questions on how I did this project since, I did a terrible job of taking pictures during the actual project.

Total cost:

Fabric: $6 (I bought it in the scrap section and it happened to be the exact length I needed!)
Tension Rods: $7 (I already had two on hand, so I had to buy the third one. I think you can find it a little bit cheaper than I did)
Fabric glue: $5 from AC Moore.

Curtains for under $20, and a feeling of accomplishment? Yes please!

15 weeks left (but more like 14)

I’ll be honest, I sat down last night to write this and maybe because I was tired, maybe because I was in a bad mood, maybe because I felt like I had to get this out there, a number of things, “it” just wasn’t coming to me. I wrote what could be the most boring post ever, and I’ve regretted it since last night. So, in order to curb this-Here’s what we did this weekend.

Nothing. Phil worked, and I finished the sashes for the curtains in the baby room (which basically means I’ve packed away the sewing machine until I feel like taking the time to learn how to use it correctly). We still haven’t put the crib together yet, I had anticipated doing that this past weekend, but Phil was on call and didn’t want to use his six hours of free time to put together a crib…which I guess makes sense to anyone who isn’t pregnant or anyone who doesn’t have a problem when things aren’t put in order immediately.

I had a prenatal massage on Sunday to help with round ligament pain. While it was amazing, I actually don’t have round ligament pain anymore. Now that my body is back in the “groove” of working out, the pain has gone away. So note to future pregnant people, and future me, when you get the pain, just work out–not intensely, but enough to just stretch your body. I should mention, I did start running with that belt I discussed a few posts ago, and it has been a huge, huge help.

The pain I have now? Braxton Hicks. To the point that I’m actually giving myself like another 2 hours before I think I might have to call the doctors.

The biggest, most non-boring, news of the week is that I’m 98% sure we found our nanny for when I go back to work. My co-worker, Erin,  recommended her, and kept her son with her for his first year. She’s really great. She’s been doing it for 20 years, she’s very close to my work, and answered all the questions appropriately. I was there when she still had one baby so I was able to see her interact with one of her kids, plus the parents when they came. She’s within our range (which is still not really a range and I’m pretty sure I don’t know how we are going to afford anything). She’s more affordable than a day care center, and will only be watching 3-4 kids at a time. She’s a great find. I don’t know how some people can afford daycare, or how to even find it. I’ve been very lucky to go off of recommendations from friends. That whole everything happens for a reason thing? Maybe that’s why we were so lucky and stayed in Richmond for 5 years.

The baby is moving all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. That’s the most exciting part about being pregnant. I don’t even pay attention in meetings anymore because I just want to watch my stomach morph and take different shapes. But every time I pick up my camera to take a video of it, it stops moving. LIKE IT KNOWS. So, I have a child that is constantly active, but when attention is turned on it-it stops. Good luck to me for the next 18 years.

The baby moving is actually the thing that gets me the most excited about being pregnant. I know for a long time I was all “meh” I’m pregnant, but now, I feel like a warrior woman.  Like I was made to be pregnant? Like being a surrogate has even crossed my mind because minus my mood swings, I really am enjoying it. (and minus Braxton Hicks, and being out of breath). But it is honestly not the worst thing in the world. I still don’t feel like I’ve bonded with the baby yet, but I’m not worried about it. It will come in time. Even Kirsten Bell didn’t bond with her baby immediately. It’s funny. Her comment about “will I love this baby more than I love my dogs ?” resonates so well. Because I love my dogs. Ridiculously love my dogs. Look at them. How can you not?

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Baby Updates:

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How Far Along: 25 weeks, but my turn day is in 2 days but for this posting, I’m still 25 weeks.
Size of Baby: Size of a papaya. 13 inches long, and probably about 1.5-1.7 lbs. Over the next three weeks it will keep growing. Slowly, but surely into a real live baby.
Total Weight Gain: 17 lbs. I’m back on track. I have 14 weeks left to go and I’ve got 16 lbs left to gain. I decided that the massive weight gain I had in three weeks was due to me not keeping active, and just baking and eating. Now that I’ve eased back into working out (12 miles this week!) and maintained the same amount of eating I was when I wasn’t working out, I am not so freaked out about the weight gain. Because it truly is all belly (and maybe some hips).
Symptoms: Just really hormonal and emotional. I cry at everything. Even dumb things (yet I didn’t cry when I watched Philadelphia for the first time this week?). I think I’m being really rational in everything that I ask but apparently I’m not (let it be known that I am rational in my requests, everyone else is just crazy).
Eats: Cravings are gone. Maybe because it was Halloween and I’ve over indulged on sweets, but I’m kind of over candy. Good effort Phil. I did enjoy the candy.
Best moment of the week: Today, I heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time in what felt like weeks. It’s always exciting and lets me know that the baby is healthy and active. And Phil surprised me at the Dr’s today, which was a very good surprise.
What I’m looking forward to: This weekend marks the end of traveling for my work. I could not be more thrilled.
Milestones: Fist-making, that’s why those jabs are getting more intense. Spine is growing and become stronger. And the nostrils are open? Which is so weird to me. The baby’s memory is starting to develop, which might mean that BBT can start recognizing voices and music might be leaving an impression on the growing brain. The skin has changed from translucent to opaque (great, this baby is already more tan than me), and the part of it’s brain that is responsible for emotions, reasoning, planning and problem solving is developing this week.

Oh, now you’re pregnant.

Finally..I promised a book review a thousand posts ago and I shall deliver.

So. You peed on a stick. You’re pregnant. It’s been confirmed. If you are like me, you panicked. Like, hardcore, I have a test tomorrow (7 months) that I haven’t studied for and I need to know everything that’s supposed happen to me in the next seven months RIGHT NOW. There are thousands of books and blogs out there. And I’ve read a ton of blogs, but I come from a generation that needs books. Actual, books with a spine and pages that you earmark, and highlight and underline and reference. These could not be bought on a Kindle. I promptly ordered two books from Amazon, and sped to my nearest Barnes and Noble to gather the other books my best gals recommended. This post will focus on the category, “What’s going on with me right now?”

The most famous of these books is What to Expect When you are Expecting.  If you are a hypochondriac like me, this is possible the worst book for you. It’s mostly a book about everything that could go wrong. Which would have me on the phone with my doctor every single day. So. No.

Another book that was highly recommended was The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy.  Upon reviews, I thought this was going to be a great book. It was exactly what I wanted. A book that was no frills, pregnancy kinda sucks, here’s what to expect: You’re going to gain weight, you’re going to have gas, and some good things will happen as well. I thought it was exactly what I wanted, straight forward, here’s what’s up. That was until I went to the store to buy it, picked it up off the shelve and the first page I turned to said “Go ahead and cancel your gym membership now, no one has time to work out.” To which I thought–if that’s the advice you’re doling out–no thank you.

So the book that I settled on, and I highly recommend is The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Health Pregnancy

It includes week by week updates, what to do before you’re pregnant, what happens during labor, and what to expect during the first few months. It is extremely straightforward and does not give scary panicky information. It does tell you when you should be worried, but it also tells you what you need to look for to be really worried. It’s extremely accurate on the week by week updates (As soon as I picked it up for the 20 week mark it was all “you should be feeling round ligament pain by now”, accurate. I was). It’s also not a book that you need to read cover to cover. You can read it at your pace. You can choose to read a lot at first (which is what I DID), or you can read it week by week. Or if you want you can read it cover to cover and then re read it when necessary.

It includes exercises to do every month, what tests you should be prepared for, and fun facts. It’s very matter of fact, without being “yawn” and it’s not too casual to make you question if it’s serious.  It includes meal planning, appropriate medicine to take, and updates on how you’re baby is growing, what’s developing, all that good stuff. The best thing about the book is that it’s all written by Doctors who are parents too. So, it’s a little comforting knowing that it’s sound medical advice.

The reason I liked it the most was because I found it informative, I could educate myself without turning to Google–which would indirectly lead me to some dumb message boards with people giving dumb advice (which are all just call your Doctor, you should be worried),  it was easy to read, and it was broken up section by section.

All in all–if you’re pregnant, I definitely suggest buying this book. Or buying it for a friend. I would stay away from the first book I mentioned. You don’t want to scare yourself when you find out you’re pregnant. You want to inform yourself. (and slightly freak out because OH MY GOD YOU’RE HAVING A BABY!)

I’m a feminist (and odds are so are you).

Last summer (again with the throwbacks) I listened to an interview by Caitlin Moran on NPR’s Fresh Air. It was about her new book “How to be a Woman.” It changed my life. I had just tuned in as she was saying this:

“What part of liberation for women is not for you? Is it the freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man that you marry? The campaign for equal pay? Vogue by Madonna? Jeans? Did all that stuff just get on your nerves?”

I remember a few days later my friend saying “I’m not all feminist, girl power, rah”,  and I was caught of guard because–what’s wrong with wanting equal rights for a woman? Growing up, I had friends say “Guys have it so easy”, “I hate girls”, “It’s just harder to get along with women”, etc. And I probably said the same thing too, when I was younger, but then I grew up, and realized that being a woman is f’ing awesome. I love my girl friends and find them more necessary than any guy friends. What guy friend is going to relate to pregnancy induced raging a stroke? (i.e. flipping out).

So all week long, I’ve been thinking about writing a post on this topic. Truly, every morning, I’ve thought about it and today, Huffington post posted this:

So why am I taking a pregnancy blog and talking about feminism? Simple. What if this baby is a girl? You may recall from earlier entries I decided not to find out the sex of the baby because of people’s comments like “I hope it’s a boy“, and “It better be a boy.” And I brushed it off. Granted, I was still annoyed, but these are comments people make and it is what it is. And then Phil wanting a boy and me coming to the conclusion that I didn’t want to know because I didn’t want him for one second to have an ounce of disappointment if it was a girl and I didn’t want him to have to “come to grips with it”. So those had been my solid points for, 3-4 months. And then I started thinking about those comments, and I thought “Why is it so wrong to have a girl? Why is it looked at like a disappointment if it’s a girl? Why when you are told “it’s a girl!” in the ultrasound room is there a quick second of “bummer” before excitement?” I talked to a co-worker and she said “You know, I never thought about it it, but before I had my son, I did say-if it’s a boy, I’m okay with having one.” My mouth dropped. Then a few weeks later, my friend tells me that she is having a boy, and is so relieved. Not that there is anything wrong with having a girl, but it would be easier. And again, what? (introduce Melissa flipping out internally). Also, all these comments came from women! I get that men want a boy, I GET THAT. But women? Embrace your sisters (read: daughters!).

Do you know that the most successful people I know are women? The most inspirational people I look up to are women. My mother was a single mom for a few years with me. She worked her ass of to make sure I was surrounded by family, friends, and never once felt out of place because my parents are divorced. My grandmother and two aunts are the most bad ass women in St. Louis. They run that town and have inspired so much change in the community and all manage to look phenomenal while doing it. My in-laws–don’t even get me started on how successful they are as women! All while being part of a family and enjoying life. My Aunt-in-law–was so successful, that now she enjoys life by going to Antarctica and Paris and just–LIVING. Tell me how many people you know right now that worked hard enough to just enjoy life? My grandmother worked in real estate until her 80’s because she was that good at her job. Women rule the world. Women make the difference. The people who I feel inspire the most change in the world aren’t men, they are women. Women multitask and they raise families and they have fun. Sure we have hormones, and sometimes we are irrational, but have you ever looked back at fight you had with a man? They are just as irrational.

I know that if I have a daughter she will hate me at 13-18. I know this. I get this. But maybe she won’t. Maybe she’ll be the next president. Maybe she will truly save the whales.

I still don’t know what we are having, and I still truly don’t care. But what I do know is that if I have a girl, she will be the most kick ass, feminist, proud to be a woman girl I know. She will know how to cook, and how to build a headboard. She will be kind and compassionate, but also be able to stand her own ground when she feels like something isn’t fair. She will have friends that are both female and male, and she will cherish her relationship with both. She will play sports and play with dolls. And if she EVER tells me that girls suck, I will slap the shit out of her and remind her that she comes from a strong line of successful, hard working, happy, women.

I’ll leave you with a tweet from Sarah Silverman: “You can’t spell Hero, without Her.”

If you are intrigued about the interview that inspired me you can read the highlights here.

Disclaimer: I also look up to the men in my life too, so don’t feel like you are chopped liver. But this is my “I am woman, hear me roar rant” and I am over people making comments about how women are a good second option.