Send help. Too smart for us.

Is this a safe place?

For exactly 12 hours I have debated posting because I don’t want to post to Facebook and have people internalize “My kid isn’t doing that, is there something wrong with my kid? What am I doing wrong?” OR THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE, “Your kid isn’t that smart, so don’t brag.”

So I think this is a safe place? right? I mean, I’ve talked about placentas…so, we’re cool, right?

Anna is being placed in the 2 year old classroom at her daycare!!! (I know this does not seem like a big deal, but trust us it is).  A few weeks ago the teachers told me how smart they think she is (duh). I asked if they ever move kids up if they started to show signs of being more advanced than their classmates? The teacher responded with “Oh, no, we typically always keep them in their class room, we teach them so much, they are constantly working.” And I was all “yes, yes, this makes sense”. Yesterday, they mentioned an opening in the 2 year old class room, and Anna was showing signs of being too smart for the 1 year old class room and would we mind if she advances to the Buttercups.

Would we mind??!?!? OF COURSE NOT. You, PRETTY MUCH, just told me my kid is a certified genius, can work for NASA, and we should just go ahead and apply for college now.

It’s bittersweet because her Sunflower teachers are AWESOME. She has grown leaps and bounds with them, but, she really is too advanced for that classroom. In the Buttercups she will get to do art all day long! Learn conversation skills, work on potty training (praise!), and all sorts of other stuff. We are really excited for this adventure, but also like, “Oh shit, we have a smart kid-so now we have to be prepared for years of being one step ahead of her.” (Like hiding the WD40 so she doesn’t clean the squeaky doors to sneak out of the house (Hi, Mom!))

In other news, Anna still only communicates with one word and you need an “Anna-interpreter” for translation. Some quips and funny things she does:

  • Tomatos: Tinos, Avocado: Cado, Orange: ro-ro-range, Cheerios: “Ohs”, and Ice: Nice
  •  “Hold you”- when she wants to picked up
  •  “Help you”- when she is eating and needs help putting food on the fork.
  •  Row Row Row while moving her arms like a rower means “sing, Row, Row, Row, your boat.”
  •  Fork, Flag, Truck: “F@*k”
  • Any time after she does something she likes “Again, again?” and then immediately “all done!”, and then “again, again.” She hasn’t quite figured it out yet.
  •  She pretends to sleep. “sssh, nigh-nigh, sshh, and some fake snoring”
  • I love you: “You, you!”
  •  Swimming: Kick, Kick
  •  Have I mentioned that she knows all her “emus”? (animals)? Pretty soon I will have a little Steve Irwin on my hands.
  • Hatteras: Har-res
  • She is the bossy child (apple/tree). When she wants to play with something you are playing with, she comes up to you and says “Share!!”. While, she is correct, we should share our toys/stuff/food/water/(n)ice, I think she’s mixing up share and “give me, I want it.”

And because she doesn’t sit still, here are some shots I tried to grab.


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What all have I been wrong about?

I love my job. I really do, I love being able to research, I love being able to back up facts with science, and I love everything about it. BUT..(of course there is a but)

I am finding out more and more that things I was so passionate about before have been, well, lies. Okay, calling them lies is a wee bit harsh, but I have been one sided. (Fair point, I am only giving you high level talking points and not linking to facts–if you want to converse, then we can).

1. GMO’s: I was anti-GMO forever. And I thought I had all the facts, and then turns out I only had one side, and it was all very misleading. In a nutshell, GMO’s are in everything, majority of them are not going away because they have been so engrained, and also with the exception of like 12 items that we don’t even use, most crops that are GM– are related in nature (like potato a with potato b), and they would have mated anyways. There obviously still need to be studies because even high level scientists can agree that we don’t know all the facts, but it’s just not a fight that I care about anymore. Now that I have seen this side, I’d rather focus my attention and soapbox on other things.

2. Cage free: Granted, I know that cage free could mean nothing more than animals have access to a window, so it’s pretty shitty living conditions anyway, but still, a window! Then come to find out there are studies on pigs that show most prefer to be caged. And cage free actually causes more death because you know..henpecked. And pigs eating their babies. Or having a cow as antibiotic free, so inevitably when the cow does get sick, the farmer ends up selling her or letting her die because he has to adhere to the label. Which then causes prices to go up and blah, blah, that package of 2 chicken breasts is now $30, have a blessed day!

Basically, labeling is bullshit and pulls at emotions rather than facts. Companies stick an “all natural” (ahem, bullshit) sticker on something, and then the consumer is more likely to buy that item rather than the one that doesn’t have it. AND THERE GOES THE ECONOMY AND YOUR WALLET.

Again, this is high level and just the beginning.

But what really has me like….omg, I feel so stupid is that whole encapsulation business I did a while ago. To the point that I almost want to take down the post.

I did it because I was so worried about postpartum depression, and I was so worried about everything else, and people swore by it. And, basically. it was a fucking essential oil scam. I still got PPD. Who knows if it helped my milk come in or not? Fact is, I thought it was working, so it made me feel better, but I don’t know if it did or not. Anyway two studies I found, one in the British Medical Journal was like “everything that’s out there is subjective, and we don’t actually know why animals do it, so we are saying don’t do it”, and one from Northwestern University said “It’s just a fad, it does nothing, don’t do it.”

So. For anyone who thought I was smart and that they should do this because it helped them. Don’t do it. Find another placebo. Don’t be judged by your family and friends. Just take care of yourself.

I’m going to go sit in a corner and get a hug. I hate that I fell for all this stuff.

That being said–I know other people say it works for them, but seriously, what if it is all just placebo? I wonder if these other women still had side effects. I don’t know if they can ever actually study it, to get a volunteer group that would be applicable. I need more science and facts! No more hocus pocus, mumbo jumbo! I SAID NO MORE.


March 16, 2013

I’ll be honest. The reason (one of the reasons) I wanted to get married was to have my wedding turn up on a fancy wedding blog. Otherwise, I would have just taken the money and run. I don’t know, something about how I need public validation for the things that I do or something.

So we got married. I got my pictures back. I was heartbroken. They would never, ever, ever end up on someone’s wedding blog. And we had SUCH a good wedding! It was 1920’s! We had a vintage get a way car! We were in a vintage theater. We had all the elements to get into a blog except for a) I’m not type A so I didn’t have as many details as some people have and b) I only hired one photographer to save on money and that was my biggest, BIGGEST, BIGGEST, regret.

However, 2.5 years pass. I talk with a few friends. I realize I don’t hate all my pictures. And you know what? I write a blog. I can show you what our wedding looked like! So that’s just what I will do. For all of you that couldn’t attend, for those of you who want to relive it. And for me, to finally come to terms and to put my wedding on the Internet to my standards. I present my wedding:


Location, location, location. We were married at the newly renovated Hippodrome Theater in Jackson Ward, Richmond, VA. It was VERY COOL. We had the ceremony, cocktail hour, and everything in one place. It was amazing how they were able to transform the whole place for us.


Sneak peek to me showing my girls the BEAUTIFUL wedding dress.

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The Bridal Party.


First Look.

I lie. This is not the first look at all. But I will imagine that it is because that is what I wanted and what I got was just awful.


Phil and I wrote our own vows for the wedding. This was extremely important to me because although we did say the same words that everyone else has said for all the years, we are a different couple. And the best part of the vows were Phil’s obviously

5 words “Who brought the drunk girl?” turned into 3 words “I love you.” Turned into 2 “I do.”

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The most important aspect of my wedding was that everyone have fun. And that they did. We hired a DJ that isn’t a wedding DJ but a club DJ. And basically it was like we had Girl Talk at our wedding. Non stop dancing for hours. Plus an open bar with liquor. It was the best.

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And us.


The best part of my wedding that I can’t visually show you was our playlist. I have been working on my wedding soundtrack since I was like in 7th grade. The end result was:

Mother’s Escort: Here Comes The Sun– The Beatles (both of our mothers love the Beatles)
Processional: You’re So Cool- Hans Zimmer (When Phil and I first started dating we watched True Romance like everyday)
My Walk: Everyday- Rogue Wave (Just listen to it, and imagine a bride walking down the aisle)
Recessional: Let My Love Open the door– Peter Townsend

We were introduced to the reception to We Belong – Pat Benetar

First Dance: My Destiny- Lionel Richie (Phil has had this song picked out since high school. It was his one request)
Father Daughter Dance:  Father And Daughter –Paul Simon
Mother Son Dance: You are so Beautiful- Joe Crocker
Father Daughter Dance 2: You’ve got a Friend- James Taylor

And finally, every wedding in our group of friends ends with the Bride and Groom being serenaded to MeatLoaf, “I would do anything for love”, I believe ours was the best. Hands Down.


In fact, I think I might go watch the video. It was the best. I want to remember it.

Happy Fourth of July

This weekend we visited the sandy, white beaches of Destin, Florida.

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I had never been to Destin (which means Anna had never been). I was expecting—something like the Outer Banks, I suppose? I have a lot of friends who love it, so I was picturing quiet, remote, lovely. Not–Ocean City meets Rehobeth meets Virginia Beach. Consider it checked off the bucket list.

Thankfully, my girlfriend’s house was on a more isolated part of the island. We had our own pool, beach, and water taxi.


Anna likes to get in and out of the pool and run. This is why mommy has stayed so thin.

IMG_7960(Anna is also FABULOUS)

Anna cannot pronounce flag. Well, she can, it just sounds a lot like “Fu-ag” Which, sounds very close to F@$K. So, basically, my kid, probably, gets her mouth washed out with soap every day at school. Which, fun fact, her teacher told me they call her Mockingbird because she says everything they say and I have THAT kid, but at least she’s not the smelly kid?

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Anna does not like the beach. At all. After two hours, she MAYBE warmed up to the idea.


Vacationing alone with a toddler is not easy. Vacationing with two toddlers? Aye, yai yai–maybe we will put an indefinite hold on baby number two. But she was fun. And look at that tanline!

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Happy Fourth of July Everyone!

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I’m baaaaaack.

Hello? Is this thing on? Mic check 1, 2, 3?

Life got a little crazy there for a while. The following happened:

  • I had a baby turn into a toddler.
  • 2015-05-15 11.08.15We were moving to Florida, but I couldn’t tell anyone we were moving to Florida, and all I wanted to do was talk about moving to Florida, and I couldn’t write about it on here because employers SEARCH FOR THAT STUFF.
  • I planned an out of state move. Alone. By myself. I have a partner/husband, but he was not able to do this in his free time. (I also did this move myself, with a baby, and two dogs, and lived without him for a month, although my lovely family stepped up and saved me!)

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  • Sold a house.

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Prior to the move, I had a job that was “meh” at best. I mean, I literally read a Kindle book online for 80% of the week. So, all that free time meant moving was a breeze.

Moving Tips:

a) Wine.

b) More Wine.

c) Do things in spurts. I had known about the move since April 2014 , so starting in March 2015, I purged, purged some more, and purged some more. I made $400 selling CRAP (broken lawnmowers, broken dressers, gym equipment, TI-83 calculators, etc.) on Craiglists and Facebook groups. I gave myself a rule. Pack three boxes a day. After I packed three boxes, I was done. I didn’t have to do anything else.

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d) Research. There are a million ways to move out there. Everyone one of them is expensive. But when you need things done on your time, may I suggest ? Guess how much it was to move my house? IDK, $3,000? INTERSTATE MOVE. Available on the day I wanted picked up and the day I wanted delivered. I also found someone on Uship to move my dogs because I was NOT stopping on the interstate with a baby, and two dogs, and a car crammed with more crap.

Side tip–stop buying crap.

e) Drink More wine.

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Present Day Life: I started a new job. A new job that I love. I research all day long! I play with statistics. I prove points! Social Science!

Phil is studying for his boards, Anna continues to be a genius (a genius who eats crayons and throws the dog’s food in their water bowl, okay so I use the term loosely).

Things that Anna can do:

1) Count:
Me: One..
Anna: Twooooo
Me: Three
Anna: Six!
Me: Four
Anna: Six!
Me: Five
Anna: Nine!
Me: Six
Anna: Nine!
Me: Seven
Anna: Nine! Nine! Nine!

She knows all her animals. Birds tweet, cows moo, lions and tigers roar, Kitties meow, Dogs woof, Chicken’s cluck cluck, Horses neigh and eat carrots.  Etc, etc. Name an animal she can do it.

She is still working on her engineering skills…2015-06-29 17.48.50

Everything is red or green. We are working on colors.

She knows please, thank you, and welcome. She doesn’t quite know when to use them. Sometimes when asking for nilk [sic] she says “welcome! welcome! welcome!”10006086_910929278953945_8774212501553868697_o

Also speaking of “nilk”, she has a huge crush on her Uncle Nick. She talks about him once a week and gets super shy around him if we facetime. Whatever, babies are adorable.

She’s has two books memorized. She can tell you what Olaf likes (hugs). And she loves Elsa. I’ve tried to introduce new Disney movies, but they haven’t quite hooked her yet.

She doesn’t watch much TV, but on the days that we need a breather, she loves Daniel Tiger, Sesame Street, and MICKEY!!!

She starts swimming lessons on Monday.

Until then, look at this adorable crab.2015-06-03 19.03.29