Mercury Retrograde is a BITCH.

Oh man. Where do I even begin with this weekend? It was…INSANE.

Let’s paint the stage: I am not pregnant, ergo I have hormones, ergo, I am not of rational mind and could more or less be certifiably crazy.

Saturday, we originally had plans to go to a tailgate for the UF game. We would be with other residents and their family (I assume). They might have kids, I might make a friend. I am excited. We wake up, and it’s overcast, gloomy, and Phil doesn’t even know if other families are even going anymore. And he wants the new iPhone. And he wants it RIGHT NOW. Which I don’t even understand? Why can’t you wait a week and have it delivered from Verizon? Also, the closest Apple Store is either in Jacksonville or Tampa. Both about 2 hours away. After much rolling of the eyes and screaming, I say let’s go get your phone, there will be other tailgates, and Phil suggests we go to the aquarium while we are there. Fine. Compromise. Marriage.

And then I forget to eat. Well, not really, I just have a sandwhich–which HAHA at me for thinking that would hold me over on a 2 hour drive.

We drive to Tampa and pass 87 pro-life signs on our way (not an exaggeration). We arrive, we are in good spirits, we make jokes, we are happy, and we naively think that just because we have an appointment at the Apple Store they will hand over our phones and we can go. HA! Jokes on us. We wait in the first line for 20 minutes. Then we wait in the second line. And then, hurray! They have us! They can set us up. We are almost at freedom, it’s so sweet I can taste it! Until, we are not.

Phil can’t set up his phone because of something, so he says set up my phone and he will handle whatever is going on. Well, I have a toddler. So the guy is trying to set up my phone, meanwhile my kid is trying to jump off a table, and play with everything, and wants me to hold her, and I am still hungry and now I have to pee. Mind you there are at least 150 people in this store, so you have ZERO personal space and your kid could go missing in .25 seconds. So we start setting up my phone and then he’s all: Nope this phone number isn’t eligible. So after 3 tries we figure out that he has messed up my phone number with my parents and ohmygod I am going to kill him. We figure out eventually with the help of someone who can sense that my head is going to split open into two halves and I will consume the souls of everyone not capable of working on my timeline.

Finally! I have a phone, I take Anna and run to the bathroom. It’s right around the corner someone says, which I guess in Tampa is translation for the other end of the mall and Phil will meet us at the food court.

FREEDOM. WE ARE ALMOST FREE FROM THE INSANITY OF THIS MALL. I go to find the food court, I go to where the directory tells me there is a food court, and there is no food court. There is a partition. There isn’t even a sign that says “sorry our food court is closed, please enjoy these other restaurants.” Everything is awful. Everything is the worst. Phil finds me and says “BTW our phones are turned off” and I say I don’t care get me out of here FIND ME FOOD. Don’t set up your phone in the car lets just go.

We get to the car, we have no clue where we are because our phones do not work, and we have no idea where there is food or the where the aquarium is or how to get home. We are literally driving around in circles. Why is there no McDonalds? Isn’t there a McDonalds out side of ever mall? ISN’T THIS A REQUIREMENT FOR MALLS TO SATISFY PARENTS WITH A FAST FOOD PLACE WITHIN 10 FEET OF A TODDLER (OR A WIFE) AT ALL TIMES?

We find food. We act like 10 year olds and say the worst things to each other. We essentially hate each other and this marriage can’t survive. Luckily, Anna is a lovely kid oblivious to everything. We get directions, the Aquarium closes in 1 hour and 45 minutes. This is stupid. The directions we are given don’t make any sense. We ask strangers every five feet (BTW, Phil’s passenger window can’t roll down so I have to open the door and scare people). Then we are there! We see signs! We can almost touch the aquarium, but EVERY road getting us to the aquarium is blocked off for some marathon and there are no detour signs. So again, Not only do we not know where we are, but we still don’t know how to get home!  And we are driving in circles because why would you block off every road.

(in case you are wondering why are phones aren’t working, it’s because you need to be hooked up to wifi and we have not been able to get wifi).

Finally, we find a mom and I think she senses the stress reeking from our car. She guides us to the physical building, points us to the garage. We park the car. We get our tickets. We see fish, we forgive each other, Anna plays on a splash pad.

We find beer. We update our phones (we get food), and we laugh at the hysterical nature of our afternoon.

BTW. SCREW YOU MERCURY RETROGRADE.

Seriously, if you can survive that day. Your marriage is made of something special.

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Vanity Post #2 for the week.

Make up: A constant struggle between looking natural and avoiding the “who is this zombie woman? Where is the skin of my twenties? What are these pot holes/pores on my face?”

I use to laugh because people would tell me it looked like I never wore make up, and haha false. My daily, DAILY, routine included:

Moisturizer
Concealer
Foundation/BB Cream
Blush
Eyeshadow Primer
Three shades of eyeshadow
Maybe a cat eye?
Brow Stuff (Pencil or gel)
Mascara
Powder
Spritz
Lip gloss/stick/liner

It probably took me 8 minutes to do it all, but it was annoying and time consuming and sooo much stuff to do and keep track of. It is no wonder I forgot to put deodorant on half the time.

A Twitter friend recently mentioned she will stop wearing so much make up. She noticed women around her did not wear nearly as much as her (mmhmm, me too, tell me more), her sister in law worked for beauty magazines and they TOO never wore that much (I see, you bring up a good point here). And most of all, she didn’t want to teach her daughter that she needed to wear make up.

And then the record screeched and I woke up.

Granted, I was raised in a “you can’t wear make up until your 16” house. But being a model at a young age granted me access to make up much sooner than 16. And my girlfriends all wore make up. I specifically remember being envious of my girlfriends in high school for having department store make up, or cute make up bags, or all of the make up, and me having like..powder. I actually think my mother did an amazing job of not teaching me to wear so much make up and she never made snide comments like “you should put your face on”. That was always my inner monolouge. I always felt that if I didn’t have make up on, I just wasn’t put together. Maybe my snobby college did to me. Who knows.

But–it did make me see that Anna watches me put on makeup. And I don’t want her to ever think that she needs to do that. She’s perfect. She should never feel like just being her isn’t her best. And she should never feel jealous of not having make up, because she doesn’t need it.

Anyway, since my friend’s comment I’ve been rethinking my make up routine, and it’s much less, much more practical, and FEELS SO MUCH BETTER.

Moisturizer (The only way to keep your skin young)
Concealer (This is the best stuff I have found, HANDS TO GOD)
Brow Stuff (Being a blond means I have to physically draw on my eyebrows)
Blush (Too pale to not add this)
Mascara
Powder

DONE.

Don’t get me wrong. I still love make up. I dream of one of those fancy vanities with brushes and a million different make up cases everywhere. But then in my KonMori-ness of late, it’s just stuff that I don’t need that takes up space.

I’m pretty happy with my routine these days and the mornings are so much easier. Any make up routines you can’t live without?

Women, step away from the khaki pants.

I will never give up caring about fashion. It may seem superficial, but it is SO FUN. Okay, sometimes, I throw something together that really is horrible, or hasn’t been ironed, or a million different things, but more often than not I try to look presentable. I try. Lord knows my credit card statement can show you that I try.

So when it came to Disney, I was faced with same amusement park dilemma all women have, “what to wear and not be a victim to the sneakers, khaki pants, and Mickey Mouse shirt that run rampant?” (**I seriously do not understand khaki pants, they are flattering on exactly no one, and unless you work at Best Buy or Target, why do you have them? Flesh tone is not a flattering look for anyone**)

Here’s the thing, there are literally hundreds of shoes that are not basic white new balance tennis/running shoes. HUNDREDS OF THEM, people, invest in those!!

So here is my two point guide to Disney.

  • Keep it casual. I’m not saying get fancy but this is what I wore. Day one I wore jean shorts, a basic tee-shirt, and Toms. Day two: A basic dress that was light weight and breathable for the hottest amusement park in the world. I work my Birkenstock Gizeh (which are the greatest walking shoes ever. I need five more pairs).

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  • Wear shoes that are comfortable but cute. Please don’t wear dress shoes to the park. Also, please don’t wear tennis shoes. I beg you. Leave your ugly tennis shoes for the gym, for running, or for pulling weeds. Buy some nice shoes. Here, I will help you: cute sandals, cute walking shoes, cute shoes. STAY AWAY FROM THE WHITE SHOES.

And that’s it for my advice. Leave the designer clothes at home. A wardrobe of basics is okay!! Staples are necessary. White tees, black tees, shorts with patterns, basic tops! If you take away anything from this it is: leave the white sneakers at home and burn all your khaki pants. This is not a fashion show, it’s just..don’t be that person at Disney.

But hey? Who am I to talk, I went to Disney world and only brought 1 navy shirt, a navy dress, a navy and white stripped hoodie, bathing suit, skirt, dress, and shirt. I can quit whenever I want, I don’t have a problem.

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The Taylor Family does Disney (part 1)

The best part of living in Florida? Season passes to Disney!

For Labor day weekend we rented a lovely house on AirBNB (highly recommend, we could bring the dogs!) Traveled two hours to Orlando and insta-vacation.

Saturday night, Phil and I used a babysitting service in Orlando. I’ll be honest at first I was a bit hesitant, but they do background checks, everyone is CPR approved, were reasonably priced, and..we desperately needed adult times.(And it was great, I would use them again!)

So while the Nanny hung out with Anna, Phil and I took on Epcot; which was mainly us just walking around in a big circle and drinking. I always forget that Epcot is kind of meh.

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This isn’t exactly the Paris trip I’d always imagined.

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Second day, BRING ON DISNEY.

We showed up at 8:00 am for the opening show and to be the first people in the park. Anna was amazed. Her newest phrase from this trip is “OHHH! Here it comes!! It’s coming”.

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Her first ride was Haunted Mansion (naturally). She had a death-like grip on the handle bar, but overall seemed pretty impressed. We also rode the teacups, dumbo, splashed in the splash pad, road the carousal, watched a Mickey show (parade and show), and met Mickey himself! She was…a bit skeptical.

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By 1:00 pm we were all a bit over Disney and decided to call it quits for the day.

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On Monday we went to Animal Kingdom, which is the best place I’ve ever been. How have I never been to this park before?? I would go here over all other parks 100 times over. We RAN across the park to be first on the safari. We saw giraffes (long necks), elephants, rhinos, lions, antelope, apes..just..it’s the neatest (and hottest) park I’ve ever visited. Plus we saw Nemo. NEMO.

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PROTIP: Always pay the money to eat breakfast with characters rather than wait in line for 45 minutes. We were able to get reservations at a restaurant in Animal Kingdom and the $80 was worth it. She met Goofy (not a fan), Donald, Daisy, and Mickey (again). If you ask her about Mickey she now says “high five?” “pound!”. IMG_8730IMG_0322

We aren’t quite at sentences yet, but its awesome to see her coming together and understanding memories. She can tell you that she road a red dumbo, a blue horse, and a pink teacup. Our next visit to Disney is first week of October, which will be during Disney’s Halloween time and Epcot’s food and wine festival.

WE ARE SUPER EXCITED.

Flashback Post.

Flashback August 20th post. I already wrote this but didn’t want to tell you. READ TO THE BOTTOM

Good Golly. Phil and I are the most fertile couple on the planet. I do not know why we keep falling into this trap of let’s just try, when we should really just pick the month we want the baby to be born in and just work backwards from there.

Anyway, I am certain I conceived on Sunday (8/16). (Through osmosis, naturally).

It’s Thursday (8/20) but, I know the signs of early pregnancy. This isn’t my first rodeo.

Update 5 days later (8/25):

I still have not taken a pregnancy test because it’s still too earlier. But I have been playing the is it morning sickness or a stomach bug game for the past 12 hours. I didn’t have morning sickness with Anna. This is uncharted territory. Please be a bug.

Update 6 days later (8/26):

I took a pregnancy test. It said negative. Whomp, Whomp. We will know for sure though by Sunday.

Update (8/30): 

I took another pregnancy test. Negative as well. I just keep walking around like I’m going to throw up. Is this what morning sickness is like?

Update two weeks later:

Officially not pregnant. Maybe I’ll stop pretending every little movement in my body means I’m pregnant. Welp, I didn’t want to get pregnant last month ANYWAY.

 

Those eyes though.

Since she was exactly 36 minutes old, all we have ever heard about Anna is “Her eyes are so blue!”, “Look at those eyes!”, “Oh, those eyes”. Yes, they are in fact gorgeous eyeballs.

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Except, when they are not. Shocking! How? What? When could they ever not be lovely?

Welp, when they have pink eye.

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Poor munchkin butt had some virus last week resulting in pink eye this week.

After an emergency pick up from school, we sped (safely) to the doctors. They confirmed pink eye, and prescribed eye drops.

Have you ever given eye drops to a toddler? Who invented eye drops for a toddler? Satan? Is this the devil’s work? If you are ever in this predicament, I am here to help you.

Instead of wrestling your child to the ground, or when a straight jacket is not available, this is how you should administer eyedrops:

  1. Outsource.
  2. If that is not an option, put a drop in the inner corner of their eye. Even with their eye’s closed, the drop will still go enter the eyeball. It’s science. If you need help, here is a video. The :45 second mark is where it’s at.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3wtEWX7HxU

Good luck! Hope you never have to do this!

PS. Within 30 minutes of the drops Anna was fine. Lil’ stinker.