Mr. Golden Sun, please shine down on me.

“It’s hard because you are doing a hard thing.”-courtesy of @agirlandaboy (in regards to someone else).

It’s not until I type it all down and realize what I went through that I’m like..HOLY FLIM FLAME FLOOBY.

  1. I had a newborn.
  2. I had a toddler.
  3. I had a medical emergency that I only had three days to resolve (thank you fine doctors of University of Florida).
  4. I packed up a house.
  5. I moved across country (with a toddler and a newborn).
  6. I lived without furniture for 2.5 weeks. You people with your chairs. DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO SIT AND ROCK A CHILD?
  7. I am still living without a paycheck (It’s been 8 weeks).
  8. I had a toddler who couldn’t understand the change that just happened and I was too tired to deal with the change that was happening so, hi, here’s TV and an iPAd, rot your brain kiddo.
  9. I had to hang out with my husband for eight weeks (which was a delight but at the same time, we need space!)
  10. Time Change is a bitch.
  11. The movers lost our only sentimental thing (apparently they found it, but it’s still missing).
  12. Two deaths in a family. Four flights with a newborn in a toddler in less than a month.
  13. The stress of not having friends or an escape.
  14. I had to drive Anna to a daycare that was 30-45 minutes each way. (so 2.5 hours everyday in the car for two weeks).

But guess what? I did it! I did it! And now the sun has peeked its little head out of the clouds and I can see that life isn’t terrible. It’s not! There are good things. Not all happening at once, and I still am not 100% but I’m not in the “I can’t get out of bed, I don’t want to exist” phase.

BECAUSE I realized, I’m SUPER lucky in the other things in life.

  1. My kids are healthy and thriving and smart and fun and yes, they can stress me out sometimes but that’s what they do.
  2. I have a job! And I have a job that lets me work from home. It’s a bit intense figuring out the schedule this week, but I’ve managed to juggle it, and juggle it well. I get to hang out with my baby all day! I work while she sleeps. Our house isn’t clean as a whistle, but…that’s dumb.
  3. I have a nanny who comes twice a week, which helps head down and work. And I get to be away from Ella–I get to miss her! But at the same time I get to see her when I want to.
  4. I found Anna a daycare that’s a mile away. And she loves it. And she rarely has an accident at school. And it’s a fun school. And I could just gush about it because it’s great.
  5. My husband has a job that allows us to be able to do things–like if I want to fly home for the weekend to see my friends (specifically inauguration weekend, or christmas, or March 2 BECAUSE I CAN).
  6. I have an amazing house that is the perfect size for us. Honestly? I would be fine staying here for a really long time because it just works.
  7. I think what has helped me come to terms with California is not to think of it as a forever thing. If I think about it as a “we only have to be here for 2 years.” If after two years I’m still miserable, we can start looking. We don’t have to stay here forever. And who knows, in two years, I might love it and not want to leave–but at least existing in this “it’s not forever” space–that has helped.

So relax everyone! I’m happy. I got out of the clouds. You can too! And if you can’t, come sit by me and I’ll rub your hair and stroke your cheek. It surprisingly does get better (consider me shocked).


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